Women are typically trained not to feel or show anger. This is especially prominent in the South where I grew up. I was the loving daughter to my divorced mom but I retained a close relationship with my dad as well as my stepmother, stepbrother and my grandparents.
In my family, no one ever got angry, argued or even fought. If I ever got angry and expressed that anger, I was always reprimanded.
After all, if you’re a good girl, you’re not supposed to get angry. Right?
How It Started
As a result of my upbringing, I basically repressed all of my rage and anger. However, as I grew older into my late 20’s, I started drinking wine to deal with that repressed anger. During family functions, holidays and events, I’d drink as many Margaritas and Bloody Mary’s as I could. This often resulted in a huge vomiting mess the next morning. Even though I clearly had a drinking problem, I was still nice to everyone.
Then, when my boyfriend and I bought our own house and lived together, my drinking started to become violent. I would typically drink and get drunk and then get angry at him and yell about things I never discussed when I was sober. One night I even threw my wine glass at him – which was a huge mess, considering I was getting drunk on red wine.
I was angry about everything which led to even more drinking. As a result, I didn’t know how to communicate and ended up drinking to the point where I’d pass out drink at a bar or at home and then get into a rage with anyone and everyone.
Learning to Release My Anger
When I became sober, I realized I had to learn to deal with my anger and rage in a healthier way. So, with the support of my family and friends, I sought out the help of a therapist. I’ll now cover what I’ve learned
Talk to a Trusted Person
One of the best people to talk to is someone that is uninvolved such as a therapist from Road to Recovery Plymouth. You can also talk to a close friend that isn’t in the actual situation and is unbiased.
Open the Lines of Communication
If you become angry at anyone, whether it be a family member, friend or spouse, you need to take some time to be quiet. You should ask them if they would like to have a conversation on the issue that’s affecting you. It is important to do this so that you don’t become repressed.
Deal With Negative Energy In Healthier Ways
There are many ways you can deal with negative feelings such as going for a run, taking a walk, exercising, doing yoga etc.
If you know you’re going into a situation which may upset you, you should come up with a plan on how to deal with it.
Learn to Forgive Yourself When You’re Angry
Anger and rage are completely natural and you need to accept that. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling those type of emotions. You should stop feeling guilty about these feelings since it can lead to resentment over time. Since anger is normal, you shouldn’t try to repress it, but learn how to let it out in healthy ways.
Recovering will take a lot of time. You will need to learn a variety of coping skills and make lots of changes in your life. Remember, it won’t happen immediately and you will struggle. Most people who deal with alcohol abuse tend to need professional care and long-term treatment. If you need this type of treatment, then that’s okay. If you have some patience with yourself, you will reach your goal much faster and you should remember, it is a journey.
Sobriety is something that you need to choose and it is completely up to you. You need to stop denying your problem and take steps towards recovering. Even if you’re faced with setbacks and relapse, you need to keep trying and just keep going. Once you seek effective treatment, you will be able to overcome your issues and triggers and lead a healthier and happier life.