Drinking to Repress Rage & Solutions

Women are typically trained not to feel or show anger. This is especially prominent in the South where I grew up. I was the loving daughter to my divorced mom but I retained a close relationship with my dad as well as my stepmother, stepbrother and my grandparents.

In my family, no one ever got angry, argued or even fought. If I ever got angry and expressed that anger, I was always reprimanded.

After all, if you’re a good girl, you’re not supposed to get angry. Right?

How It Started

As a result of my upbringing, I basically repressed all of my rage and anger. However, as I grew older into my late 20’s, I started drinking wine to deal with that repressed anger. During family functions, holidays and events, I’d drink as many Margaritas and Bloody Mary’s as I could. This often resulted in a huge vomiting mess the next morning. Even though I clearly had a drinking problem, I was still nice to everyone.

Then, when my boyfriend and I bought our own house and lived together, my drinking started to become violent. I would typically drink and get drunk and then get angry at him and yell about things I never discussed when I was sober. One night I even threw my wine glass at him – which was a huge mess, considering I was getting drunk on red wine.

I was angry about everything which led to even more drinking. As a result, I didn’t know how to communicate and ended up drinking to the point where I’d pass out drink at a bar or at home and then get into a rage with anyone and everyone.

Learning to Release My Anger

When I became sober, I realized I had to learn to deal with my anger and rage in a healthier way. So, with the support of my family and friends, I sought out the help of a therapist. I’ll now cover what I’ve learned

Talk to a Trusted Person

One of the best people to talk to is someone that is uninvolved such as a therapist from Road to Recovery Plymouth. You can also talk to a close friend that isn’t in the actual situation and is unbiased.

Open the Lines of Communication

If you become angry at anyone, whether it be a family member, friend or spouse, you need to take some time to be quiet. You should ask them if they would like to have a conversation on the issue that’s affecting you. It is important to do this so that you don’t become repressed.

Deal With Negative Energy In Healthier Ways

There are many ways you can deal with negative feelings such as going for a run, taking a walk, exercising, doing yoga etc.

Thinking Ahead

If you know you’re going into a situation which may upset you, you should come up with a plan on how to deal with it.

Learn to Forgive Yourself When You’re Angry

Anger and rage are completely natural and you need to accept that. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for feeling those type of emotions. You should stop feeling guilty about these feelings since it can lead to resentment over time. Since anger is normal, you shouldn’t try to repress it, but learn how to let it out in healthy ways.

Recovering will take a lot of time. You will need to learn a variety of coping skills and make lots of changes in your life. Remember, it won’t happen immediately and you will struggle. Most people who deal with alcohol abuse tend to need professional care and long-term treatment. If you need this type of treatment, then that’s okay. If you have some patience with yourself, you will reach your goal much faster and you should remember, it is a journey.

Sobriety is something that you need to choose and it is completely up to you. You need to stop denying your problem and take steps towards recovering. Even if you’re faced with setbacks and relapse, you need to keep trying and just keep going. Once you seek effective treatment, you will be able to overcome your issues and triggers and lead a healthier and happier life.

Getting in the Spirit: How to Set Up the Office at the Holidays

It’s almost time to deck the halls and get ready for the holiday season, but what exactly is the “right” way to decorate at the office?

You spend a lot of time at work, whether you’re stuck at the office or on work trips staying in House of Fisher apartments, you still want the festive mood to surround you. This is why it makes sense to put up a few things to help you feel festive. However, no one wants to make a social gaffe or put up something that just isn’t appropriate at work.

Different Holidays

One of the issues is that people have very different ideas of how to decorate for the holidays. There will be differences in regards to which holiday should be celebrated at any given time!

For example, just because you celebrate Christmas doesn’t mean that everyone else does; the person sitting in the cubicle beside you may celebrate Hanukkah instead. That is why it is important to decorate with all the potential holidays in mind. Doing so may keep all the employees happy, but it can also make some feel disgruntled. There are those that will always feel they have a right to celebrate their own holiday, just as there are those that don’t want to see any holiday-related decor at all. Companies should come up with a written policy so that everyone knows what to expect.

Having a set of written rules about what can go up at the holidays and what cannot go up is often the safest route. Many of these rules should just make good sense. For example, most workplaces state that there can be no lit candles because they are a fire hazard. Any lights have to be specifically for indoor use.  So that employees can exit in the event of an emergency all walkways should be kept clear. In addition, decorations should not distract employees from doing their job.

These type of rules are usually simple to lay out. There are always situations that occur that become a little hairy, however. For example, what do you do when someone puts up blinking lights and their neighbour is having trouble focusing because of it? What if their décor includes a holiday scent that some in the office find offensive? In these instances, one worker is happy while another is not.

Standards for the Country

IFMA, or the International Facilities Management Association, put out a survey several years ago that addressed holiday decorations throughout the country. The vast majority of respondents (94 percent) said that decorations were allowed, particularly with respect to Christmas. Kwanzaa and Hanukkah were also mentioned. A quarter of the respondents stated that there were issues with respect to the decorations, 85 percent of the issues that were reported had changes made to them. There were respondents that also wrote about holiday contests that encouraged employees to decorate the office. While this made some feel better about the work environment as a whole, it left others feeling disgruntled. Some people like as many decorations as possible. Employees believe that the office should not be decorated at all because they don’t want to mix work and religion.

In general, those that want to decorate their offices or cubicles can do so, but it can’t interfere with their work. This means that they can come in early or stay late if they’d like. In addition, whatever decorations they put up should not impact their co-workers. If they put up something with a religious context, it should not be too large or gaudy. To be more acceptable, some believe religious context should be withheld when it comes to decorations.

When decorating the overall company should be considered. For example, a bank may have a different set of decorations that a non-profit organisation that works on behalf of children. Decorating for the holidays is often enjoyable, but it is important not to forget about work in the process. In addition, safety is crucial, as is the business’s reputation.

Decorating Your Home From Scratch: A Quick Guide

Decorating the home is something many individuals dread, but it really shouldn’t be that daunting or intimidating. While there are some stresses that are going to come with any move, renovation, or redecoration effort, you can take a few simple steps to go into the project with eyes wide open and make it much easier on yourself (and anyone who was friendly enough to lend a helping hand!)

Abbey Group has put together a guide on how to decorate your home.

First, understand that this can be a fun process that is going to help you take a house, or other living space, and transform it into a home – your home. This is a place that should reflect who you are, what you enjoy, and be a place where you can relax, energise, or even both depending on your mood!

Once you have the right mindset, which will take care of a good chunk of the stress and potential frustration right off the bat, the next step is to decide on the style that suits you best. While there are literally dozens of different options out there, don’t let that overwhelm you. Most people find they actually prefer one of the four most popular styles out there, so that is a great place to start the decision-making process.

The most popular decorating styles are:

  • Contemporary
  • Modern (no, this is not the same as contemporary)
  • Transitional
  • Farmhouse

Transitional

If you find you have a varied number of tastes, then you probably want to go with transitional style of design. This is a popular option because it is great for updating old Colonial or Victorian homes with modern features while keeping the features that bring that aged charm. On the other side, for people who find themselves buying a modern home but don’t like how cold and lifeless it feels, transitional brings those personal touches that can bring old school to a new home like smart use of red, green, and neutral colours, as well as smart use of dark wood and stone to bring some old cheer to a new design.

Modern

Then again, there are those who like to go with the full modern design. Think clean lines, a heavy emphasis on colours that are often described as “earthen” or “wooden” tones, and many homes that were created in the 1950s or based on similar designs.

Contemporary

If this still sounds too busy then go with a contemporary design. Think minimalist. Minimum furniture, minimum colours, light through open windows and plenty of space to pace, do yoga, or just stretch out.

Farmhouse

Farmhouse is the absolute opposite of contemporary, it is busy, colourful, and will likely remind you of a traditional grandmother’s house or the type of home that antique shops drool over.

Once you have an idea of what plan is most likely to fit your personality, then that is the time to start putting together the plan. Don’t just try to wing it! Think about what rooms could use a new coat of paint before moving in the furniture. Concentrate on the biggest and most important rooms first so you can use that momentum to help move you through those smaller and less important rooms.

This gives you the benefit of enjoying your design choices even as the work is being done and further motivates you to finish.

As a side note: don’t buy into the myth that every single room must match in style. If you like a comfy and inviting living room but prefer your bedroom to act like a home office in pristine shape, you can design the living room around one style and the bedroom around another. This is actually quite common as many people want a room to relax, one to energise, and so on.

Design and plan accordingly!

Whether you just need to touch up the paint, re-do a single room, make some minor alterations, or go with the wholesale overhaul, you have options. By planning ahead, refusing to get bogged down, and pushing ahead with your plans, you should have no problem creating a home look that you can enjoy and be proud of.